Friday, 4 May 2007

A smuggled message

This evening I received an urgent call from my neighbour, Miss Kelley. The young Ward of Baron Bardhaven seemed almost frightened out of her wits.

It seems the rumours concerning the whereabouts of the missing Kaiserin are true. The man whose penchant for cheap fruity wine has caused a minor scandal, Baron Bardhaven, has had the poor woman handed to him by the scenery chewing O'Toole and his perfidious backstabbing sidekick.

It seems the charming young lady is not a part of the proceedings and has been secretly smuggling food to the Kaiserin. Today she managed to get a note out from under the gaze of her guardians and was looking for someone to help her get a message to the Duchesses.

While still technically holed up in the recovery room at the Uisge Beatha distillery, my little drone has been most helpful in getting messages to and from various parts of the globe.



Text of the message, scrawled on a crumpled napkin and containing enough spelling mistakes to show what a horrendous ordeal she has had to endure, reads as follows:



My dearest Cousins,

Excuse the brevity of our missive as it is quite tortuous to incribe with my pricked finger on this course napkin.

I am being held captive by the dread Lord Bardhaven. A Man of no small interest in my death. He constantly mumbles about some fellow named Clive and deals with me in the rudest of manners.

If by some fortuitous happenstance this crude message reaches you, dry your eyes and lift your spirits. The resilience of a Neualtenburger has carried me quite well through this ordeal and I though battered, I am far from beaten.

Do find away to get word to my Commander Jaeger Edelweiss, and look for some way to release me from this fetid inner core of Barhaven's keep.

I must go, Bardahven's wench Kira has eyes like a hawk., and claws like a lion.

Your's in eanest,
Your loving cousin Kendra.



I shall speed this away with all haste and ensure that something is done before it is all too late.

8 comments:

emillyorr said...

Oh, dear.

But wait--I thought we liked the Bardhavens! They weren't...told...to hold the Kaiserin hostage?

Oh, dear...

Her Grace, Eva Bellambi said...

Thank you for forwarding this message, Sir Edward!! I shall be in touch with Duchess Riel immediately. My negotiations with Bardhaven continue as well.

This is a most fortunate event!

Ms Kelly is a true patriot.

Amber_Palowakski said...

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, help me!

Edward Pearse said...

Yes Miss Orr, we did like the Bardhavens, but what can you do with someones of such low alcoholic sensibilities!

Oh wait, you meant the kidnapping thing?

Hermoine Pennyfeather said...

Perfidious backstabbing sidekick???

I take BACK the chilled bottle of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. I take BACK the fresh green pea and spring sorrel soup with fava bean garni. I take BACK the strawberry and hearts of palm salad. I take BACK the macadamia nut chocolate chunk cookies. I just don't know what ELSE I have to do to further soften your convalesence. You and your afianced can chew on the scenery for all I care. Hummmph. *wipes her hands on her apron, takes a slug of wine straight from the bottle and stomps off stage left... mutter mutter.

Edward Pearse said...

There was strawberries? And macadamia nuts? I think the security here is getting a little over zealous. None of it made it through in the first place.

Damn!

Christine McAllister said...

Why would Sir Edward eat anything given to him by the person who stabbed him in the first place? The security was probably checking it for further poisons and got a little over-zealous

Hermoine Pennyfeather said...

HP looks grievously wounded...

War is war but food is food and I am too much of a cook to wish even the tiniest belch on my audience. I would NEVER EVER tamper with so precious a commodity as Nature's bounty.

Metal and clay are another instance altogether and I would most definitely advise that you use your own silver and china.... evil grin